Yeah that's right we said it,.. we used the word mutilate in our home page. What are you going to do about it!?
(Sorry that's mostly the booze talking,.. )

Really though,.. What you do, to and/or with, the products once you buy them is a matter between consenting individuals and entirely your business. We want no part in running your lives (Unless of course you WANT us to run your lives, in which case we will need you to sign over power of attorney to us and buy us a gift assortment of pettite fours).

C'mon, cut us some slack. We're sourcing a bunch of really nice stuff and getting it to you at great prices. While we inspect the items to make sure they're nice and undamaged and pretty and not full of beaver eggs, we have no idea if there's still a warranty, or if the 800 number on the product still rings to a country that even exists. If "It says on the box that I can get a free Gary Coleman Meets Mr. Ed trading card if I mail the proof of purchase in to the mfg, but it got returned to sender!!" or anything like that, it's not our fault. As they say,.. buyer be where? 

Even though the "is" in our "as-is" is stellar, these products are still just that,.. as-is. There is however the fact that we don't ship anything out that I wouldn't be satisfied with getting myself.
Actually,.. skip that. That's a pretty low bar, I'm essentially a trash panda with eyewear,.. I would probably let amazon deliver cottage cheese in an open container and still be ok with it,.. (just tip up the soggy box up, munch some crackers and be fine with it) better yet we don't ship out anything that Paul wouldn't be satisfied with getting. He's pretty anal retentive so you're in good hands there, I once saw him refuse a sandwich because one of the pickle slices was "Too floppy".

Returns are usually for replacement with "same product", but in the event we're out of that particular product we'll give you the option to take credit against future products or we'll refund your money or work with you to get some interest in our chinchilla farming operations or something.

This is a web store. It's possible we'll screw up the prices/product descriptions/pictures/our lives etc..  In the event we accidentally list a $2000 projection system at $.2000 and you jump in and order 14000 of them before we catch/fix it,.. we're not shipping them to you, you're not selling them on e-bay and we're not evil for "not following through". We're only human (I drink a lot) and we're actually trying to source and provide stuff that we think people will like at a price that we think is fair, so again... cut us some slack. If we mess up, we try to fix it and take care of resulting issues but, deal with it.

This site makes no warranties implied or actual for any goods or services, happiness, feelings, or the nature of existence. Using this site or engaging with it or any of its operators on a business, personal, or biblical level is all done at your own discretion and risk, and is probably not (as with most things in life) a good idea at all. In fact if you're really worried about THIS site after having clicked "I agree" to dozens of unread, hundred page user agreements from the likes of Apple, Amazon and Google, maybe you just shouldn't shop here. (You obviously have priority issues.)

Also by shopping here you agree to give us everything you own if we ever come asking for it, OTHER THAN your children, we don't want your children, we never wanted your children, STOP OFFERING US YOUR CHILDREN!!. You also agree to do all my landscaping but really really nicely right, like none of that hit it and quit it stuff, I'm talking clearing the underbrush and sweeping the walkways when you're done and picking up the little leafy/branchy bits so they don't just wash back down into the path on the first rain!

Also maybe just have some personal accountability and not try to be a jerk when doing things online (or in general).

I dated a girl named Carrol once..
We have a cool inventory checkout count/update thingee (insert tech talk here) that is supposed to mark the product as "out of stock" and make it unavailable for order and switch to the next product once we're down to the last few items, but sometimes if items get a little "viral" traction from social media sites, we get swamped and the code doesn't keep up, and orders clear before they hit the out of stock limiter and switch. In those cases we'll refund your money, as most of our items are "Never to be seen again" so it's not like we'll get in more of the same thing later. (Yeah it's not perfect, we're working on it)